Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
