1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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