If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
