I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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