chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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