everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
