im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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