im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
they're like a gay fantastic four
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
