Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
