if you like me you must not know who I am
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Randomize
