There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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