margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
