I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
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Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
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I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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