dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
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Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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