You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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