he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
