She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
