Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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