best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
