LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
