I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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