I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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