Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
