What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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