if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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