He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
