I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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