Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
