I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
