i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
i think i just lost a toe
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
