I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
