I hate your face
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
