He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
