I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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