I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
