my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
