I faked an abortion last night.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
last night I used snow as a chaser
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
