**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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