She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
We're like a lot better than the average bears
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
