Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
