shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
