i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
