I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
