'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
