Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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