So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
