Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
