did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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