I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
