is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
