I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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