Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
