Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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