i think i have herpe
just one?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
