Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Blood and glitter go together right?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
