So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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