i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
