Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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