I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
