A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
