I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
there is another microwave in the elevator.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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