do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
