I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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