I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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