I feel great
I just peed on a car
The beer is more important than you right now.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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