she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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