sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
