i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
