booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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