you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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