I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
there is puke in my bra ... again
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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