Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
