she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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