Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
