508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
