do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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