We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
