Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
