Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
